21 Day Complaint Free Challenge - Pt 2 of 3

"Don't whine. First it does nothing for the reason for your complaint. More importantly, it lets a brute know that there is a victim in the neighborhood." Maya Angelou

This is part 2 of the 3 part series on the 21 Day Complaint Free Challenge. In this post I will update all of you on the challenge and then go into what 'Complaining’ is in more detail.

This is day 7 of the event and there are now 329 people participating in what has been an incredible awareness-building week for us all. During this first week of the challenge we have all come to see how subtle the habit of complaining can be in our lives and that it isn't dependent on the words we use but can be communicated in our tone, affect and body language. So much of what is actually complaining can seem like protest, but, lacking even the smallest action is still complaining. Complaining, criticizing and blaming are very close in energy and tone and in communication all share ‘you statements.’ Self-pity, entitlement and superiority have shown themselves to be at the core of these mindless speech habits and it becomes very clear just how much when you stop complaining.

Complaining is so common in our culture that it has become a part of our conversation. Some people use it as a greeting, complaining about the weather or the traffic upon meeting another. Others use it as an ice-breaker in conversation engaging the other person in shared complaint as a form of camaraderie. Some even use it as a pull for attention unable to offer something more worthwhile to the conversation.

We move through our lives using ancient human communication patterns that were meant to broadcast warning not even aware of the effects. When we complain to another person we are not only venting our frustration, or displeasure, we are infecting that person with our negative energy. Not only that, but by focusing our attention on the source of our complaint, we are actually drawing to us more of what it is we are complaining about. Complaining doesn't help, nor does it make anything better even if it feels better to the complainer in the moment.

Complaining is also a rejection of what is. Put another way, when we complain we reject the 'now'. As T.S Eliot said "All is always now." If we are experiencing it, it is now. Otherwise we would have already experienced it or not have experienced it yet. If our soup is cold, that is our now. Accepting that but wanting hot soup moves us into action which leads to changing the next moment, but does not impact the moment before. As Eliot says "..The past is unredeemable." Complaining changes nothing but more than that, it keeps us from actually being able to change the things that need changing. When we whine, we are immobilized by our bruised egos. Entitlement to perfect service, care, attention, weather, etc. underlies the complaints we utter day in and day out.

In our relatively blessed world here in the west, it is the exception not the rule when we have something to truly complain about such as grief and profound loss. And even then, it is less of a complaint than a lament when we voice feelings from that bereft place. Only when we accept what is, the truth of our experience in this moment no matter what that experience is or how we feel about it, are we present and able to take action to change it. Brother David Steindl-Rast said it best when he said that "complaining is the little self's attempt to block change" and that it is up to us to find the 'opportunity' in the moment of wanting to complain to change the situation or change our thoughts about it.

There are things in our world that call for protest. We know what those things are because of how they call us forward for the greater good and move us to act. A complaint is not useful, it doesn't help or change anything. It is like a virus that breeds a sense of discontent in all that hear it. I read someplace: "complaints are like bad breath - you notice it coming out of another person's mouth but not your own".

Be sure to read next weeks blog when I will be posting the insights and awareness of the 21 Day Complaint Free challenge and talking more about ‘gossiping and criticizing’. You can still join, it isn’t too late many people have just joined. I will be keeping the group going until everyone has finished the 21 Days. It is a Facebook group and you find it via this link:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=119241354758253

21 Day Complaint Free Challenge pt 1

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." Maya Angelou

I was listening to a recording of a conversation between Brother David Steindhal-Rast and Joan Halifax Roshi the other day and they were talking about 'gratitude' which is Brother David's main practice, and 'complaining'. During the conversation Brother David mentioned that a friend had given him a purple bracelet with "www.acomplaintfreeworld.org" on it and told him about the 21 day complaint-free challenge. He then wore it to a Peace Conference and man came up to him and said "I started this." That was Will Bowen a minister from Kansas City, Missouri who wanted to find a way to help his congregation become more positive and decided to challenge them and himself to go 21consecutive days without complaining, gossiping or criticizing. Brother David decided to take the challenge thinking 'Well, I don't complain much. I will probably be looking for opportunities to complain." He was surprised to find that even as a Benedictine monk andBuddhist, living in a religious community and teaching all over the world for the last 30+ years, he still complained about the same silly stuff that most people do.

I was inspired by the talk and went to the website to check it out. I read the story of Will Bowen and his congregation and how they went from helping that group change their attitudes and their lives to distributing bracelets to over 6 million people worldwide. They started distributing purple silicone wristbands to be used as a reminder during the complaint-free challenge. The agreement was that you start on one wrist and began your count, but if you complained you would shift the bracelet to the other wrist and start your count over. It is fine to complain to yourself but not to complain to someone else. Some people dropped out but the majority kept with it as did Will Bowen and it changed their attitudes, their relationships and their lives in significant ways. More than that it started a movement that to date has over 6 million participants worldwide.

I was so excited by what I read I decided right then to do the challenge myself and invite anyone who wanted to step up for positive change to join me. I have set up a group page, 21 Day Complaint Free Challenge where I will be posting my thoughts, my experience and my progress during the challenge and where I hope you will be joining me to share your experience as well. Anyone who joins the challenge on the 21 Day Complaint Free Challenge group page will get a free purple wristband from Complaint Free World, the non-profit organization that started the challenge. Wearing the bracelets is a wonderful way to track your progress, foster community and show our support for this global effort to change our behavior and evolve as souls.

That's it! Now don't wait, go to the event page and sign-up for the challenge and make today day one. The rules for the challenge are on the group page and you don't need a wristband to start a rubber band will do, but if you want one just send your mailing address to me in a Facebook message. Be sure to tell your friends, post it on your Facebook page and Tweet it. We are trying to change the world by what we energetically put into it and the greater the effort the greater the impact.