Do You Believe That Love Trumps Hate?

"Hatred paralyses life: Love releases it. Hatred confuses life; Love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

There is so much hate in our country at this moment in time. Polarizing camps spewing angry rhetoric and claiming ownership of the truth. The situation is much like the situation during the struggle for civil rights in the 60's. Dr. King knew then what we need to remember now that hate will never win against hate. That only ends in violence and more hate. The only thing that wins against hate is love. Someone once said that "hatred and anger are powerless when met with kindness."

History has proven that to be the case and it is still the case today. It has been proven again and again that positive thought directed at a situation can diffuse the tension. In a study published in the peer-reviewed journal Social Indicators Research reports on one of the most dramatic sociological experiments ever undertaken. Researchers predicted in advance that the calming influence of group meditation practice could reduce violent crime by over 20 percent in Washington, D.C., during an 8-week period in the summer of 1993.

In fact, the findings later showed that the rate of violent crime--which included assaults, murders, and rapes--decreased by 23 percent during the June 7 to July 30 experimental period. The odds of this result occurring by chance are less than 2 in 1 billion.

The demonstration project involved assembling nearly 4,000 practitioners the Transcendental Meditation and TM-Sidhi programs from 81 countries. Participants were housed in hotels and college dormitories throughout the District of Columbia and at the University of Maryland.

Hagelin says previous research had shown that these meditation techniques "create a state of deep relaxation and coherence in the individual and simultaneously appear to produce an effect that spreads into the environment, influencing people who are not practicing the techniques and who have no knowledge of the experiments themselves."

I am proposing that we take this information and use it to diffuse the hate that is bubbling in this kettle of fear and threatening to overflow at any moment. In the study they had 4000 participants. I have over 2000 Facebook friends and another 500+ contacts. How many people do you have on your Facebook page, email list, etc. who would join us for 3 minutes per day to stop Hate? I think we can top the 4000 participants from the gate.

Here is what we will do. At noon everyday for the next 90 days, we will stop for 3 minutes and send Metta, or Loving-Kindness, into the heart of the Hate in this country. Metta is like a prayer that is born from our compassion, from our understanding that at base all human beings are alike in their desire to be safe, happy, healthy and at peace.

Do YOU believe that LOVE trumps HATE as Dr. King did? If so, then join my group People Who Believe That Love Trumps Hate where you will find the instructions for sending Metta and more information on the group. Then add your positive energy to ours everyday a noon by doing 3 timed minutes of meditation focusing on the people who are filled with anger and hatred that we see and hear in the media daily, and sending them our Loving-Kindness. If you are at all uncomfortable with my suggestion you can use a prayer, image, thought or just the intention to send peace for that timed 3 minutes instead. It is all about energy and intention and if that is there, we can't help but make a positive difference.

So, please send this out to all of your friends and family. Let your spiritual leaders know and encourage them to put it out to their congregations, sangha, and groups. Spread the word on Facebook and Twitter. Let's really try to blast the cancer of hate with a huge laser beam of Love.

21 Day Complaint Free Challenge - Pt 3 of 3 Gossip and Criticism

"Gossip gossip evil t'ing, much unhappiness it bring, if you can't say somet'ing nice, don't talk at all is my advice." sung Calypso style by Jester Hairston

This is part 3 of 3 of my blog posts covering the 21 Day Complaint Free Challenge. In the first post I talked about the Challenge, its origins, the rules (21 consecutive days without complaining, gossiping and criticizing) and my inspiration for doing it. In part 2 I talked in depth about 'complaining', its origins in our human history, what it is, what it isn't and its impact on our brains, our relationships and the world. In part 3 I will talk about 'gossiping' and 'criticizing', two of the most poisonous of human behaviors.

I played the violin in the orchestra all of my school life and each year I would play with the Honor Orchestra at Stairway of the Stars. One year Jester Hairston this amazing African-American choral composer and actor performed with us and sang 'Gossip'. The chorus is 'Gossip gossip evil t'ing, much unhappiness it bring, if you can't say something nice, don't talk at all is my advice'. I was about 10 and really didn't know much about gossiping but his song stuck with me all these years. I think it is the word 'evil' associated with gossiping. I don't think there are many people out there that are really aware that they gossip, or when they are gossiping let alone that it is more than a bad habit. But it is much worse than that. Gossip is defined as 'idle talk or rumor especially about the personal and private affairs of others.' The truth is that there is nothing 'idle' about gossiping.

Gossiping is like poisoning the village well. The gossip, hungry for attention but feeling empty of anything worthy of mention, finds narcissistic fulfillment in being the one 'in the know'. Unable to control their need for attention, they spread rumors and hearsay about other people without a thought as to the potential consequences. What they always forget is that 'what goes around, comes around'. The well that they poison with their words is the same well that they draw from. What we do, we become. If we gossip, we are gossipers. And gossipers are usually seen as untrustworthy, self-serving, and ill intentioned. Instead of the specialness they so long for, they usually end up with people angry at them.

Gossiping is never done in the spirit of seeking something good for the object of the gossip, it is always about seeking attention for the gossiper. Information that is shared through gossiping becomes coated in negativity and maliciousness and harms the speaker as well as the one spoken of. If we give in to our baser natures out of a belief that this is our only way of feeling special or important, then that is all we will ever be. A rumor-mongerer feeding of the bad choices and misfortunes of other because we don't feel we have anything interesting or noteworthy to add to the conversation. Websters defines 'evil' as "morally reprehensible: arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct." When we give in to our insecure ego's need for attention at the cost of some other person's reputation or well-being we are behaving in an evil manner.

'Criticizing' per Websters is "to consider the merits and demerits of and judge accordingly; find fault with." Synonyms for criticize are reprehend, censure, reprobate and denounce. None of those sound positive, helpful, supportive, encouraging, understanding, loving or kind. Now, unless you are being paid to criticize, to judge the merits of someone or something and report, then you shouldn't be criticizing. Anyone. Ever. Period. No this doesn't mean you can't correct your children, or teach your pupils, or discipline when disciplining is due. What you can't do is hold yourself as superior, find fault, judge and point that out through criticism.

People who criticize have been criticized, usually a lot and usually maliciously. They grow up having swallowed a lot of judgement, ridicule, and meanness and they are unconsciously waiting for the day when they will be top of the pecking order. The best example of this is college and military hazing. Participating in the next generation of hazing makes up for what you endured when it happened to you, or, so they say. As a child we have to swallow whatever the adults in our world have to say about us. Internally we have yet to develop the ego strength to consider the source, and externally we lack the power to do anything about it anyway. As children we come to judge ourselves as we are judged and then spend our adulthood fighting that self-limiting false belief by judging others and making ourselves feel superior.

Criticizing is mean. It was mean when it happened to you and it is mean when you do it. There are at least 50 ways to express whatever it is that is coming up for you when you want to criticize and 49 of them have nothing to do with the other person. The only thing that has to do with the person you want to criticize is that they are there, in your presence, doing something that you think you could do better, faster, smarter, neater, etc. My challenge for you is this: the next time you feel that urge to 'correct' someone's something, you pause and just watch. Then take a breath and remember the last time you felt criticized and judged and what that was like for you. Did it feel helpful? Did it make you want to do better, to improve, or grow? Or did it just hurt your feelings, make you feel diminished and make you angry? Then go do something that makes you feel good about yourself, by yourself, and don't give in to the urge to do it at the expense of another person's feelings.

The 21 Day Complaint Free Challenge is a group that I am hosting on Facebook. The goal of the challenge is to go 21 consecutive days without complaining, gossiping and criticizing. There are 330 people participating and it is one of the most incredible growth experiences of my own life, and others. It is ongoing and open so please come join us in this effort to change our 'negative speak' and the world one mindful moment at a time.