A letter to the bulimic who still suffers

I am heading off to a meeting this morning to take a candle celebrating my 15 years of abstinence from bulimia. I decided to post about this because the truth is I didn't do it, I didn't cure myself. Bulimia was lifted from me when I was finally ready to give up the fight, and for 15 years I have just done whatever it took, including losing 70 lbs. and maintaing it, to not take it back again. So the candle isn't for me, it is for those of you out there that are still suffering. You need to know that we are out here, those that have found a path out of that hell called bulimia, and that we know what you are going through. You are not alone. You also need to know that hope exists, that freedom is possible, and that when you are ready, you will seek it out and we will be here waiting for you. I don't know your stories, but, I am sure they are very similar to mine and millions of other bulimics around the world. We know you because we are you. Bulimia is an obession of the mind that translates into behavior that becomes addictive. We become addicted to the chemistry produced by the behavior and it can be as hard to quit as any other chemical addiction. But, it is possible. You don't need to struggle, you just need to understand what it is, that it is bigger than you will ever be and toss in the towel and seek help now. Doesn't matter where the journey for freedom starts, just that you start it. It can be here, it can be online, it can be in books, it can be a therapist or an OA meeting. It only matters that you know that you will never win against the disease. I was bested each time I took up the fight, and I am a stubborn fighter. The only way to freedom that worked for me, and many many like me, was in giving up completely, not in fighting harder. I liken the battle with bulimia, and any addiction really, to those Chinese finger traps. The more you struggle to free yourself, the tighter it's grasp on you becomes.

Keep this thought in mind, in the time you have been reading this post you have been abstinent from purging. That is something, it counts, and it is how recovery happens, moment by moment.

I send you love and blessings for your journey.

Stephanie Rasband