21 Day Complaint Free Challenge - Pt 2 of 3

"Don't whine. First it does nothing for the reason for your complaint. More importantly, it lets a brute know that there is a victim in the neighborhood." Maya Angelou

This is part 2 of the 3 part series on the 21 Day Complaint Free Challenge. In this post I will update all of you on the challenge and then go into what 'Complaining’ is in more detail.

This is day 7 of the event and there are now 329 people participating in what has been an incredible awareness-building week for us all. During this first week of the challenge we have all come to see how subtle the habit of complaining can be in our lives and that it isn't dependent on the words we use but can be communicated in our tone, affect and body language. So much of what is actually complaining can seem like protest, but, lacking even the smallest action is still complaining. Complaining, criticizing and blaming are very close in energy and tone and in communication all share ‘you statements.’ Self-pity, entitlement and superiority have shown themselves to be at the core of these mindless speech habits and it becomes very clear just how much when you stop complaining.

Complaining is so common in our culture that it has become a part of our conversation. Some people use it as a greeting, complaining about the weather or the traffic upon meeting another. Others use it as an ice-breaker in conversation engaging the other person in shared complaint as a form of camaraderie. Some even use it as a pull for attention unable to offer something more worthwhile to the conversation.

We move through our lives using ancient human communication patterns that were meant to broadcast warning not even aware of the effects. When we complain to another person we are not only venting our frustration, or displeasure, we are infecting that person with our negative energy. Not only that, but by focusing our attention on the source of our complaint, we are actually drawing to us more of what it is we are complaining about. Complaining doesn't help, nor does it make anything better even if it feels better to the complainer in the moment.

Complaining is also a rejection of what is. Put another way, when we complain we reject the 'now'. As T.S Eliot said "All is always now." If we are experiencing it, it is now. Otherwise we would have already experienced it or not have experienced it yet. If our soup is cold, that is our now. Accepting that but wanting hot soup moves us into action which leads to changing the next moment, but does not impact the moment before. As Eliot says "..The past is unredeemable." Complaining changes nothing but more than that, it keeps us from actually being able to change the things that need changing. When we whine, we are immobilized by our bruised egos. Entitlement to perfect service, care, attention, weather, etc. underlies the complaints we utter day in and day out.

In our relatively blessed world here in the west, it is the exception not the rule when we have something to truly complain about such as grief and profound loss. And even then, it is less of a complaint than a lament when we voice feelings from that bereft place. Only when we accept what is, the truth of our experience in this moment no matter what that experience is or how we feel about it, are we present and able to take action to change it. Brother David Steindl-Rast said it best when he said that "complaining is the little self's attempt to block change" and that it is up to us to find the 'opportunity' in the moment of wanting to complain to change the situation or change our thoughts about it.

There are things in our world that call for protest. We know what those things are because of how they call us forward for the greater good and move us to act. A complaint is not useful, it doesn't help or change anything. It is like a virus that breeds a sense of discontent in all that hear it. I read someplace: "complaints are like bad breath - you notice it coming out of another person's mouth but not your own".

Be sure to read next weeks blog when I will be posting the insights and awareness of the 21 Day Complaint Free challenge and talking more about ‘gossiping and criticizing’. You can still join, it isn’t too late many people have just joined. I will be keeping the group going until everyone has finished the 21 Days. It is a Facebook group and you find it via this link:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=119241354758253